A few of my saner friends have openly questioned my suitability for the position of World Dictator. While I appreciate and respect their candidness, this type of seditious talk shall end with their brief – yet stimulating – visit to the scorpion pit.
I’ve no time for this new fangled democracy. In my world, it’s strictly one man, one vote and I’m the man with that vote. So once domination of the entire earth has been achieved through a combination of the structured agenda, superbly crafted emails and the unleashing of my mighty pivot tables, there are going to be some changes.
I’m more your evolutionary revolutionary, so fundermental policy change shall be delivered in a number of small steps. Firstly lifts.
Lifts will not stop at any floor below the third level. In a single stroke, I shall cure obesity, remove the need for Gym membership and winkle out anyone likely to be a strain on the Health Service. To ensure sufficient daily exercise, all meetings will involve at least two visits to the ground floor and tardiness shall be met by electric cattle prod.
Until lift manufacturers are ready with the new systems, a tactical change will ensure the request for services to floors one and two be met with a shouted announcement “GET OUT OF THIS LIFT AND UP THE STAIRS YOU LAZY BUGGERS”.
And the cattle prod.
See, I’m getting the hang of it already. If – and I know almost none of you aspire to the call of the higher office – you were leader of the world, what would your first rule change be?
My door is always open to new ideas, but remember the scorpions are ready for any wishy washy nonsense or anyone owning a folding bicycle.