Not the sound of Random attempting to combine “quiet” and “stairs“. I discounted that having established we were all in the same room, yet there was a trembly rumble that can be best described as a train passing through Platform 1, Our bedroom at speed.

Only later did I find out we’d been somewhere close to the epicentre of a proper earthquake, although I’m still suspicious of the cause. We’re smack bang in the middle of a rather large tectonic plate here, but not too far away from lots of drunk people falling over in Birmingham.

Co-incidence? I’m not sure. Anyway, just thought you’d like to know we’re all still alive and, from what I can see, the house has the same number of walls as it did pre-shudder. That’s the good news, the bad news is I’m back at work and shall be spending the entire day really adding value to the firm, by reading and deleting 180 emails.

I shall be nominating myself as leader of a World Dictator Priority Committee establishing new rules on “talking to people when you want to find something out“. A sub group shall be recommending penalties for anyone sending out pointless emails to 20 people and asking for comments. I will be pushing back on anything less stringent than “instant and painful death“.