Now there is probably a serious social anthropometric statement to be made here. But weâ€™ll ignore such pretentious nonsense and instead focus on the amusing backlash against product marketing and demand creation. Christ that sounds almost as bad â€“ let me tell you what Iâ€™m talking about.
Work gave me one of these.
Itâ€™s super clever â€“ a synchronised repository for all my e-mail, text messages and calendaring. Essentially a phone shaped device pretending to be half a PC and if thatâ€™s not enough itâ€™s equipped with more communications modes than NASA; Bluetooth, infrared, GPRS, Analogue and an electronic facsimile of morse code. Okay, I made one of those up but honestly, the last time I saw so much amazing stuff in a small package, it was filled with class A drugs.
Obviously that was a long time ago and I was only looking. Ahem.
Oh itâ€™s a phone as well. It has a decent camera and if that wasnâ€™t enough offers several million ring polyphonic ring tones, infinite classes to which you can assign contacts, some kind of smart dialling where the number is whipped straight out of your mind and dialled before you can say â€œwhat the fuck is happening here” and other advanced stuff buried deep in a manual that is comically four times the size of the device. I canâ€™t just call it a phone, Iâ€™ll get sued.
There is just one incy problem with it. Itâ€™s a bloody useless phone. Actually itâ€™s pretty useless as a PC as well and the camera is just an excuse to toss drunken photos of body parts to your mates over a communication medium that was developed for targeting missiles. Is it just me that sees this as a tad ironic? Apparently porn is going to be the biggest growth sector (excuse me?) on these multi media monstrosities with Video taking the lead for those who canâ€™t wait to get home to wank over keyboards. Maybe Iâ€™m getting old but it smacks of desperation. Download a 30 second image on a tiny screen and knock one out in the toilets. Maybe itâ€™s time to bring back those tyre catalogues that used to adorn the walls of garages. Itâ€™d save a fortune on GPRS charges.
Anyway Iâ€™m delighted to hear that itâ€™s not just me thatâ€™s whinging at the apparent solutions looking for problems or should that be revenue. The ubiquitous Nokia 6210 is now the most sought after phone on Ebay after it went out of production two years ago.
It has no camera, the battery lasts for ever, you can make and receive calls and â€“ get this kids â€“ thatâ€™s it! No Java Games, no cut down operating system running Anti Virus scans and bastardised PC applications. No way of receiving your email but decent size keypads so you can text without playing hunt the key. It is essentially a phone. What a fantastic idea.
Apparently they are now selling on Ebay for more than the original retail price. Now thatâ€™s properly funny.
I was going to write some snide comment about what drives product development and how weâ€™re all slaves to marketing in that we donâ€™t care whatâ€™s best, we only care whatâ€™s new. Still having looked at my extensive bike collection with no component older than a decent wine, it may smack of hypocrisy, so I’ll shut up.
Well for the moment at least.