Dog Days

Murphy – 5 months, originally uploaded by Alex Leigh.

My diary is a towering mythical giant – filled with aspiration, potential great works and more than a passing nod to the skill of omnipresence. And while the effort of input cannot be questioned, the quality of the output seems to be ever longer ‘todo’ lists with nothing crossed out.

The not-really-a-pup-anymore has far gentler schedule honed by only accepting tasks involving food, chasing balls and evacuation of waste material. Here’s a snapshot

07:30 Wake up
07:31 Assume abandonment (as per ever morning), bounce around cage
07:32 Bark a bit to wake up the rest of the pack
07:33 Whimper as pack not yet turned up and abandonment appears complete
07:35 Hear tread on stair. Go bananas
07:36 Explode out of cage, set tail wag to maximum, chew on pack leaders bare foot
07:40 Adopt expression of hurt as pack leader points to flowerbed in a no nonsense manner
07:42 Return inside, shivering
07:43 Receive further portion of outside with long instructions around poo and wee outside, before dog inside
07:44 Understand nothing, wag tail in encouraging manner
07:45 Wander back inside. Fix “not been fed for days” expression and begin hoovering floor
08:15 See 07:45
08:16 Do a 07:36 on steroids as food bowl is picked up by pack leader. Chew pack leaders other foot.
08:17 Receive breakfast
08:17 and 41 seconds. Complete breakfast
08:18 See 07:45
08:20 Eat bin
08:21 Fix pack leader with “who? me?” expression somewhat undermined by fragments of bin hanging from jaws.
08:22 Slink out of cage. Continue to eat bin.
08:30 See lead being picked up. Abandon Bin, attempt to eat lead.
08:31 Carried* into car.
08:32 Find abandoned welly in boot
08:33 Start on welly. Find it very tasty especially if accompanied by a bit of trim
08:40 Removed from car. Sniff every member of school and staff in areas probably not absolutely appropriate
08:50 Morning Dog Walking group gathers with consequence of many dogs on two legs trying to bite each other
08:55 Get into local field, remove lead, dog disappears
09:00 Pack Leader checks book on point of “over exercising Labrador” as dog is mere spot in the far distance
09:20 Retrieve dog from muddy puddle. All other dogs clean, our dog brown and smelly.
09:25 Return to car
09:30 Sleep
12:00 Wake up. No food apparent. Go back to sleep.
13:00 Hear “Murf, come here boy, come here, COME ON” and see pack leader looking gormless.
13:01 Go back to sleep
15:40 See smaller pack members arrive, go a bit mad, chew any available footwear
15:41 Eat bin for the look of the thing
15:45 Sleep
18:10 Receive Tea. 18 seconds later, drink water, 20 seconds after that, pad into lounge and lie down
18:15 Sleep
20:00 Receive boot up bum to go and shift some of that food and water.
20:01 Wander into kitchen, take hard right into cage, go to sleep
20:02 Receive firmer prod to get outside RIGHT NOW YOU LAZY BUGGER
20:03 Sleep
20:04 Accept doggy treat for managing to get out of cage. Receive second one for going outside.
20:05 Mess about for 10 minutes while pack leader is freezing his cods off.
20:20 Decide it’s been a tough old day and..
20:21 .. Sleep

Where do I sign up for that job? He has got a bit of a limp at the moment though. I couldn’t believe how upset this made me, especially after a bit of dumb research on the Internet. Murf doesn’t care really, and neither do we. Either he’s pulled something during a moment of puppy madness or he’s one of those labs with the wrong size bones.

Quite glad we went for the pet insurance tho 😉

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2 thoughts on “Dog Days”

  1. Now that we are back to a dog with legs instead of wheels I can’t believe how much easier it all is being a dog owner – and the sheer look of joy on her face and tail set to stun when the lead is picked up for a second walk in evening is brilliant.

    For a ten year old GSD she does well. She loved 45 minutes swimming with me in Coniston a couple of weeks ago and when we took her to the beach the other day she ran about like a loon for nearly 5 hours while one of us surfed and the other stayed on the beach to look after her. It was as if every ball throw was going to be the last. She wasn’t sure about following me into the waves though – she’ll stick to lakes thank you very much.

  2. I read about Zak on your blog Nick. Real shame but you did the best by that dog by giving that extra year or so of life. And a good life at that when I saw the pictures.

    I’m really looking forward to when Murf is a bit older so he can do all the stuff you talk about. But I’m also really going to be careful with him until he’s at least a year old.

    Seems to have lost most of his limp which is a relief. Makes me realise how soon they become members of the family 😉

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