Second Life

I’ve said before that anyone playing Second Life was quite obviously lacking a first one. And so surprised I wasn’t to read that the Internet generation has vigorously waved a virtual “V” at Lindon Labs’ cyber-asylum.  With the attention span of the Internet generation being similar to that of an attention deficit goldfish, it’s hardly an real-earth(tm) shattering news story that they’ve moved on.

Because that’s what they do, from Texting to Twitter, from email to MSN to Facebook. From deskbound personal computers, to funky laptops, to netbooks to iPhones and then hopefully miniaturising themselves up their own arse. The cool cats* twit and book between free application spaces distributing random content and demanding immediacy. They don’t need a second world to inhabit because they’re already trying to exist in too many of their own lives. Once it stopped being about forging long term cyber relationships through the bloody hard work of being something your not, and switched to broadcast channels where people you’ve never met are apparently interested that you’ve shit blue poo, Second Life was looking like a life support case.

But what is BRILLIANT is the way the not-so-cool-cats hang on to stridently tell those who’ve already left what they are missing. Allow me to quote a couple:

have a reason to go there – like real life, Second Life is not Facebook, which is simply about keeping in touch with people in your network. I was lost at first, but quickly found new friends and new things to do. I help run a travelling vaudeville theatre group and write & perform comedy acts – something I’d never have thought of doing in real life.

Oh do fuck off, please.  You don’t help run a theatre group you deluded idiot. Nor do you “perform” unless that includes a toe suckingly cringy electronically generated parp broadcasted to a bunch of saddos eating pizza off their underwear. Here’s another:

I do not consider myself to be a weirdo and I am certainly not looking for cheap thrills or an extra-marital affair”

Two things here: A) you’re a weirdo, ask anyone but yourself and b) you wrote that in case your wife read that. Or maybe you are one and only person whose not looking for CyberWank+. A good thing because if you ever meet the honed sword throwing latex clad godess in real life, she’s a 19 stone trucker from Northampton with a broadband connection, and a hard spot for pretty boys.

There’s even a bloke quoting the Gartner Hype Life Cycle which has sadly intersected with my working life a few times. I never really got the Slope of Englightenment as it always faces upwards, and any cyclists knows this to be a bad thing. Anyway he’s missing the point by a few million miles, because once the mainstream and the corporates have moved on, only the weirdos remain. And they may have many attributes including stapling cats to their ears, but hard cash is not one of them.

So while Second Life may now be yesterdays’ news, still millions flock to on line cyberworlds, notably if they involve stupid quests and edged weapons. “Sorry dear, I can’t come and talk to the kids, as IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT that right now nine of us are storming fuck-buckles castle, and I’m lead Orc in the fight against WhaleJaw the Mighty and his army of terrifying stoats“. You need to play that back. Probably at the divorce court.

And just in case anyone tries a counterpoint to my derision by pointing out that writing this blog is an escapist broadcast channel, then let me tell you this:  I am sane enough to know exactly what it is. “Broadcast Channel?” I think not – load of old shit I enjoy writing way more than I expect you enjoy reading. And I don’t want to have sex with any of you either.  I’m sure the feeling is mutual 😉

* That is definitely not me. It’s probably not you either.

2 thoughts on “Second Life”

  1. I thought this article was brilliant when I read it, in the Times I think. The author was *almost* bleating on about how this was a loss to the internet community. Jeez, that’s a point lost then. I love the idea that someone might actually consider entering second life a worthwhile and fulfilling endevour rather than just being part of a big game. Splendid, the irony is so strong it’s dripping off me like sweat.

  2. It’s ace isn’t it. What’d be better is trying to explain it to someone who truly believes. Pointless, and yet properly amusing.

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